Day 2

196 Days | 249.1 lbs

Yesterday's post was dramatic, but also needed I think

A little background, so that this makes sense to anyone who ever stumbles upon this, or to like, 80-year old me who is probably have crazy by now.

I grew up the chubby kid. It was the 80's, and though I'd covet the size I was then, I was always the chubbiest one in my classes. Surprisingly, I was hardly ever bullied. I never realized how lucky I was until I grew up and read horror stories of how people were treated in schools. I tried diets all the way through the 80's and 90's.

My weight did nothing but balloon up in college. Whereas my mom had no idea the crap she fed me in the 80's was crap, the freedom to eat out any time I wanted added to my struggles. I think sometime during those years, I hit 300, if not close to it. I don't remember weighing at all.

In my late 20's and early 30's, I became much more educated on how the body works. This was mostly due to my trying to conceive a daughter. Between reading about infertility treatments, I learned about PCOS, and insulin resistance. Through a miscarriage, working apart from my spouse (where we could only see each other on the weekends), some unhealthy diet choices and exercise, I saw 199 on the scale. The next day, I found out I finally was pregnant.

I had my daughter (the flabby accuser) in 2012.

My ex-husband left us in 2013.

Three months prior to that, my father had suddenly passed away, one day after we had celebrated his 69th and my daughter's first birthday.

It's amazing how much the pain of losing your father, finding out your spouse is cheating on you and the subsequent stress of figuring out how to live without a partner (having moved straight from living with my parents to living with my high school sweetheart and being married for 12 years), being a single mom (having grown up the youngest...I had no clue how to handle children)...how much that pain can exhibit a response in the body so different from how you usually handle stress.

Divorce anger, needing something to focus on, and a stress reliever...by 2014 I was the smallest that I could ever recall being before caring what a scale even said: 165 pounds.

And then I met my current husband. Lol, of course.

I never expected someone to want to marry me again anytime soon. I had a 2 year old daughter, who would want to mess with that? My husband did, and he has been amazing since the first date.

I remarried in 2015. Three months later, I was pregnant again.

Too sleepy to continue this post tonight. Hopefully part two will be here tomorrow.

Today's methods: 
Breakfast/Lunch: banana, strawberry, pineapple, and vanilla protein shake smoothie.
Dinner: Caesar salad pre-mix salad
3 Glasses of Wine